i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
