my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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