I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
