One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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