So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I want her autograph on my taint
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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