I got chris browned last night
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
