he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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