Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
this boner is exhausting
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
