I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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