I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
