this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
