Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
