Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So squirting runs in the family.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
