if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
as a side note pls kill me
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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