remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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