why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
