She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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