You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
