Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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