Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
