i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
