Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
