The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
