I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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