He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
