it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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