mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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