Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
