i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
