My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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