i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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