Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
