What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
