Christians are straight up FREAKS
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
