If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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