Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
