he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
