did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
