There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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