Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
