so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
