Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
