i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
