Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
