Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
