This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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