i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
