We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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