If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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