Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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