I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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