she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
