i think my mom watched the whole time
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Randomize
