I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
