You made me cry and you don't even care
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
