I have demons in me.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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