The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
