Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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