You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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