you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
