Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
