I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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