I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
