i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
