3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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