I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
