I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
