WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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