The maid of honor just puked.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have fence marks all over my body
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
