i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
