she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
