no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
