I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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