All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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