11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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