Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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