wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
