look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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