Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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